Illustration by Andrés Murillo.

Originally published in print November 2020.

Bestseller, Dawson Street  

Look, the coffee here isn’t nice, and you won’t enjoy drinking it. However, Bestseller has one thing that no other Trinity-adjacent cafe can possibly claim: it is the perfect place to get dumped in. The walls are lined with copies of Ulysses, so you can pretend you’re just crying because that book you have definitely read is so good. The gorgeous decor means that at least you’ll get a cute insta out of it! If things get really bad, you can always ask for the wine menu. 

★★★★

 

Cloud Picker, Pearse Street

Yes, okay, the coffee here is great. Yes, it’s the only place in town that does a proper flat white. The atmosphere is nice, the staff strike the perfect balance of being intimidatingly cool but also friendly and warm. On top of it all, there is a certain clout that comes with carrying around a Cloud Picker keepcup. But honestly, would you be fucked walking all the way to the Hamilton side of campus? Three stars must be deducted for this obvious location oversight. 

★1/2 

 

Lemon, Dawson Street (2005-2018)

Dawson Street Lemon lived a fulfilling life as the closest thing to utopia Trinity students could access. In 2018, this cafe was torn from our hands by the rapid economic development of Dublin city. We didn’t know what we had until it was torn away— a heated smoking area thirty seconds from college. South Williams Street Lemon, if you’re reading this— fuck you.  It will remain forever in our hearts.

★★★★★

 

Carluccio’s, Dawson Street 

All of the chairs outside Carluccio’s are uncomfortable, and they’re always inexplicably wet— even in Summer. The coffee is fine and the staff are all lovely. However, the real appeal of Carluccio’s is being near something fancy. As the old married couples walk in to their three course meal, you can hiss at them, sucking on a rollie, clutching your 4€ half-portion carbonara, feeling like you’ve truly done something for the class struggle. 

★★★1/2