Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash.

Masturbation is always associated with a hush-hush nature, right? It’s seen as wrong, or secretive and elusive, something inherently private. All these things ring true, but vaginal masturbation, in particular, is a painfully restricted subject. I found out that other people masturbated when I was maybe sixteen, and talked about it with a girlfriend when I was seventeen. The conversation was accompanied by blushed cheeks and embarrassed giggles, neither of us daring to disclose any intimate information apart from the fact that we did it.

And then I moved to a mixed school and was inundated with jokes about wanking and lads getting off in the bathrooms. This cloud of secrecy was non-existent in the eyes of teenage boys, who talked about masturbation like it was the newest Netflix TV show. This should have felt liberating. This nuance of sexual freedom should feel like an open door, but instead, the door was slammed, bolted shut and I was exiled from all conversations because I felt too ashamed to talk about my own experiences.

 

Where does this shame come from?

 

Raising this conversation of shame and masturbation was easier than expected, and I talked to many of my friends, wondering if they felt this. They elaborated that yes, they felt it and upon conclusion, that this shame can come from anything; limited education, misleading information, religious and cultural stigma, and porn. Many people with vaginas feel that if they don’t have a model figure, a hairless vulva, and a set of labia parted perfectly that their masturbation isn’t valid, or worthy of attention.

 

How can we stop this from being so secret?

 

Some people prefer privacy, and that is okay. Boundaries are really important when you talk about sex and relationships. However, if you want to stop the secrecy, you can educate yourself using sex-positive magazine articles and blogs. Advocating for more sex-positive media is also really important. And lastly, advocating for a more modern and less guilt provoking sex education to be implemented within schools, especially on a secondary level, can help us destigmatise masturbation and educate young people. All of which is always important!

To do my part of being a good citizen and to help demystify this topic, here are some myths debunked:

 

Q: Do all people squirt when they orgasm? (Music student, 19)

 

A:It’s reported that 10-50% of people with vaginas can, but there’s no harm in trying!

 

Q: Do I have to use toys? (English student, 18)

 

A: Absolutely not, but if you’re interested, a former sex and relationships writer did an article on the best toys to use! 

 

Q: Is it unhealthy? (Philosophy student, 22)

 

A: Nope! It’s been scientifically proven to help you sleep better, relieve menstrual cramps, reduce stress and strengthen the pelvic floor, which is really really important.

 

Q: Will masturbation kill you? (BESS student, 21)

 

A: Unless you do it for six weeks straight without food or water, probably not.