Originally Published in Print, April 2022
One of my greatest blessings is my relationship with my mom. She epitomises grace through her service to others and purposefully makes her love for those she cares about known—she’s the first to bring dinner to a friend who is sick, and I am convinced she’s a mind-reader, knowing exactly what to say when I come home with tear-stained cheeks.
Anyone who has met me knows that I have a serious attachment to Taylor Swift; I never broke from the phase, and loving her is likely in my top three-character traits if one was asked to describe me. One song on her Fearless album is called “The Best Day,” which Swift wrote about her mom and their loving relationship as it has evolved over time. There are countless “best days” I have experienced alongside my mom, whether going for a walk at Shelby Farms, buying way more than we were supposed to at Target, sitting in doctor’s offices where mom starts laughing at me as I try to explain my incessant cough while the doctor tries to understand my man-like voice, or, upon my return home for the holidays, when mom runs to hug me and kisses my forehead in the morning. Each lyric in Swift’s song depicts the naive young girl growing up in awe of, and indebted to, her mother, remarking on the “best days” we often take for granted.
This past Christmas, I took out old photo albums and looked through my parents’ wedding day pictures—she’s one of those women whose mere presence makes it feel like everything is going to be okay; then she calls you “Sugar” as a nickname and all of your feelings of warmth are confirmed. The line at the end of Swift’s song that reads “…you’re the prettiest lady in the whole wide world…” could not be more true of my mom. The concluding chorus includes the line “…and I love you for giving me your eyes…,” which has a clear double meaning. I love sharing physical qualities with my mom – things that once I saw as insecurities, she shares with me and embraces within me, but my mom also gives me the vision of how I perceive the world. Her dedication to living a life through grace, peace, and patience makes the world a better place, and I pray I continue to learn these traits.
It is the core chorus of the song which brings tears to my eyes every single time I hear it and reminds me of my mom. It goes:
“I don’t know who
I’m gonna talk to now at school
But I know I’m laughing
In the car ride home with you
Don’t know how long it’s gonna take
To feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today”
Since I moved to Dublin, there have been hundreds of days when I wish I could throw my mom the keys and go for a drive and just forget. When I was in high school, I remember the day a few girls I was friends with chose the cool football guys over me, or the night I broke up with my then-boyfriend in a teary conversation. My mom was there, ready to drive and forget the world. When my older brother accidentally back-swung a metal baseball bat into my face and broke my nose, when Davis proposed to me in 1st grade, she was there. When my world felt heavy and I didn’t see the end, she was right there, gifting me what I now treasure as some of the best memories.
It is difficult to be in any type of relationship with others; it puts us in a vulnerable position requiring trust and understanding. Sometimes people don’t know the consequences of their actions and you lose friends. Sometimes you learn how to set boundaries and others don’t know how to adjust to them and you wind up lonely. Sometimes you ask people to show up 50% for you, and they don’t, and you have to toughen up.
And sometimes we get it wrong. I am a messy person. I fall, sometimes on ice. I don’t know how to accept compliments and when I do I think about it for two whole days, wondering if I sounded conceited. I don’t follow recipes but just throw things together that seem to make proportional sense. I say the wrong things at the wrong times or make jokes when someone is trying to be real with me.. My version of flirting is asking about home décor preferences. I am messy—we all are. There are not many people who will accept and love you unconditionally, but for me, the one person who always will, is my mom.
At the end of “The Best Day,” Swift writes, “I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong.” I am so grateful to my mom for having my back, even when I am wildly undeserving of it. If I can become half the woman you are, I know I will have done right.
