The following is the third instalment of our second ‘Perspectives’ series. ‘Perspectives’ as a concept was born out of a desire to provide thought-provoking and relatable snapshots into students’ experiences navigating relationships, self-discovery, and other affairs of the heart. Our extremely talented writers continue to respond to the series and express themselves in ways that go above and beyond what we ever could have initially imagined. Please enjoy…
Alice, Sex and Relationships Editor
Karla and Shannon, Deputy Sex and Relationships Editors
Why moving into a house, rolling some dice, and talking about free will at 1am changed my college experience.
I finished up my first year in College in my sunlit room back home. Having been kicked out of my accommodation in Halls, I hoped I’d return to Dublin — and a normal college experience —sooner rather than later. Soon after exams ended, my parents and I wondered where, or even if, I’d be staying in Dublin in my second year. This conversation mulled on throughout the summer, fuelled largely by my abundance of optimism for the next academic year but was left largely unresolved. Reflecting now on those short months of the summer , what I missed most were the connections I had made while living with other students, and the unique bonding experience that living with friends brings. While I spent most of my 2020 summer growing closer to my family, I couldn’t wait to get back to the city buzz and more importantly, the friends I’d made while there. Fortunately, half of my wish came true when I returned to Dublin in September 2020, just not in the way I’d expected.
When I returned to Dublin, the city at large was in disarray. We were all unsure as to when lockdowns would be enforced, what “level” of lockdown we were in, and what restrictions were still in place. I learnt that I would be doing the exact same thing as I had been doing during the latter half of my first year: weird Zoom lectures, awkward tutorials, and too many technical difficulties to count. And yet, I said “Screw it!”; I moved down to Dublin anyway. I was nervous to enter a house where everyone knew one another and I only knew one of them through mutual political science classes in first year. I’d met my housemates over Zoom and had seen one or two pass by during my time in Halls. However, prior to moving in, as far as I was concerned they were merely other students who were close to a shared mutual friend. Except, those temporary impressions fell away almost immediately when I moved in. My ignorance of not knowing how much I’d come to understand about the relationships I have with not only each one of them but the housing unit as a whole is laughable almost a year later. Looking back, I wouldn’t change my decision to move in for the world.
Learning online was hard, as we all knew it would be. Despite this, the unique characters I had around me alleviated the trudge of “Zoom College.” My initial impressions of all four of the housemates I didn’t formerly know were reshaped quite quickly as kettles were boiled in the morning and beer-bonding took place on movie nights. The tie I had to my original friend was only further enhanced by living together. We’d laugh and connect over small things like the presence of new biscuits in our local store (named brookies after “brownie cookies”) or the unending comforts of “sleepy tea” in the evenings.
The greatest means of lockdown bonding, however, came in the form of a certain roleplaying game known as Dungeons and Dragons (D&D). It took little to no time for the rest of the group, who’d been playing D&D back in Halls, to draw me back into an old passion of mine. As the rain poured down on another awful Dublin night, our house would gather around a table in the sitting room and transport ourselves elsewhere, to a place with no lockdowns and endless fun. It was in these moments that I remember truly getting to know my housemates. When the Zoom calls ended and dinner had been eaten, we grew closer than I could have ever imagined before moving in. Our collective love of a simplistic game about roleplaying tightened the bonds that had been developing throughout our time together.
I found that the dynamics of our collective would show themselves plainly when we’d break out into spontaneous debates. Having a drama student, a history and politics student, a law student, a physicist, and a philosopher will result in some deep conversations at 1am! Movies and TV shows like Wandavision or the Man from Earth spouted nightly discussions about everything from transhumanism to how Dutch McDonalds in particular, is infinitely superior to all the others.
Of course, relationships in the house had peaks and troughs, as every friendship does. Nevertheless the low points only reinforced the bonds we shared as a house and taught each of us lessons about our limits and the importance of working together and respecting one another’s autonomy within the house. In the process of resolving our quarrels, we tightened our bonds and increasingly became a college family with a sense of understanding of one another. Questions around dishes, electricity and scheduling arose, and, while each came with its friction, each was resolved swiftly, either by discussing it briefly with the objective of getting things sorted in the long-run or by addressing the sticking points head-on in small informal house meetings.
From my own experiences, I discovered that the relationships weren’t as air-dry or open as I perhaps expected from the outset.While everyone is entitled to their secrets, I feel I anticipated more to be shared, given the reality of living in lockdown with my housemates. Knowing that the 4 others I have been living with had their own established social space, it was clear they had experienced things together that were best left within that space. By merely going about my days in the house and watching previously created relationships ebb and flow, I learned a valuable lesson about not probing where it isn’t needed and talking issues out with others where it is. I observed and listened a lot and realised in certain circumstances, saying nothing, however painful it may be in the moment, really is the best course of action. While I worried when issues seemed to go under the radar, I soon realised this worry was an expression of how close we’d become as friends and in a certain sense, family. I saw myself and those relationships with my housemates form into an ever-anxious persona, always there to talk things out (given I only really left the house for work, the library, or food) and acting as a calming presence in the rare moments when things got heated — yes, the law student being calm! (It was a shock to me too.)
In saying all that, however, these four strangers turned housemates turned new friends did more for me during the hellish year we’ve all been through than anyone else. Taking me, also a former stranger, into their established group and turning a locked-in College experience into a joyride of laughs, mistakes, and all-around elation was the best thing anyone could have done to get me through the year. I certainly know that I speak for everyone in the house by saying that College would have overcome us if it wasn’t for the unique ties that bind us together. I cautiously entered a year ago and emerged wanting more of what we have built.
