There are big steps in life which tend to happen during your late teens and early twenties, like going to college, getting your first job, and moving out of your childhood home. I took this last step six months ago by moving in with my boyfriend. Let’s call him John. My decision might sound a bit strange as I am only 21, and John and I had only been dating for a year when we decided to move in together. But, before you dismiss me as completely insane, let me tell you about my experience so far…
There were a couple of reasons why I decided to move in with my boyfriend. For starters, John and I found ourselves in a difficult position during the first lockdown. We lived 20km away from each other. As we all know, during level 5 lockdowns you couldn’t travel further than 5km from where you live. I have never cared so much about this small distance until the pandemic hit and then it seemed like 20km was across the Atlantic.
Even if the lockdowns ceased, it dawned on us that we wouldn’t be able to spend much time together. John finished college last summer, and started working in September. We were both aware that there are plenty of couples that both work 9-5 jobs and still live in different places and are much older than us, but John wanted to move out of his family home, and inevitably I would spend most of my time at his place. So it made much more sense to just move in together.
Living with John was a bit strange at first. The fact that I needed to do all of my own washing felt bizarre and, of course, there’s no mum-made dinners for you. In the beginning, I felt like I needed to do all the cleaning and cooking because I felt guilty. John works 9-5 and sometimes on the weekends. He actually earns money while I have found it hard to get a job due to Covid-19. I still contribute to the rent but I just felt guilty. I wanted to do everything because I didn’t want it to seem like I was just lounging around the house. I would get really frustrated if my boyfriend said that he wanted to clean the kitchen because it felt like I was doing a bad job.
The biggest argument John and I had was with regards to cleaning. I admit that I am not the most organised person in the world, but John is. He even organises the cupboards and makes them look aesthetically pleasing. Clearly, this was not the case and after about two pretty big fights, I came to the conclusion that if we both worked 9-5 jobs and earned the same amount of money, he would have to help me with cleaning and cooking. I was vehemently stuck in a position of a 1950s housewife mentality that I put myself in. I didn’t have to do all the cleaning in the house if we both lived there. College is also work so I shouldn’t expect myself to do everything from laundry to cleaning the toilet in the first place. Also John likes cleaning because it relaxes him (I know, it’s bizarre) so there’s no reason for stopping him.
After surmounting that little hurdle, living with John has been easy as can be. I am still amazed by this, especially when we see each other 24/7. I think this is largely because we give each other necessary personal space. We have found our own little hobbies to keep us entertained in the day. This means that we can enjoy each other’s company even more in the evenings, as we watch tv shows together, drink wine, eat a ridiculous amount of cheese, and chat about how we want to decorate our place. I keep thinking that moving in with John might be the best decision I have ever made.
That being said, although moving in together was a good decision for me and John, it might not be a good idea for every couple. Every couple operates on their own timeline, and it might take years for some couples to be ready to move in together. This does not mean that these couples are less valid or wrong for each other, they just need extra time. This is before you factor in the outrageous living costs in Dublin, which make it impossible for the majority of people to move out of their family home.
If you are considering moving in with your partner, though, please do heed this one bit of advice: take your time with the decision and consider all options, while still putting emphasis on what ultimately makes you happy.
