Originally published in print February 2021.

Even though humanity is suffering through a plague, the traditional order of nature is still working as it should, bringing the bountiful array of foragable and harvestable fruit of the seasons with it. In a primal sense, the best examples of human civilization and a flourishing environment mean the production of alcohol from excess agricultural output and the produce from wild plants. In such tedious times as those in which we live, where most of us are cooped up at home with little to work towards and too much time on our hands, we should really be preparing for the rejoicing that will happen at the end of all this. We should be amassing an arsenal of completely free homebrew wines and beers which can be shared with our friends and family; not just at the lifting of restrictions but all future times which merit celebration.

In principle, alcohol is just the result of yeast eating sugar, yet people will still pay extortionate prices for it. It can be made at home with minimal equipment in the space of a month or two, or however long you’re willing to age it for after the initial fermentation. A certain degree of sanitation is required when it comes to your fermentation vessel, which can be whatever sealable receptacle you have available. Keep in mind however, that carbon dioxide is a by-product of fermentation so you will need an airlock on your vessel, or else endure the daily ritual of burping your brew (just twist the lid and let it fizz). Besides that, all that is required is some form of yeast and sugar; both of which can be bought from any supermarket. Bread yeast works okay, but the end result might be a bit…bready. If you’re feeling adventurous there are many sources in nature that harbour wild yeasts; everything from young pine cones to the air that you breathe, which can be cultivated in a starter. If you want to make life easier, wine yeasts can be bought online for next to nothing.

The next step is to find flavour. The possibilities are endless, but a few popular homebrew wines which can be made from fruits sourced in parks and hedges in your locality, such as elderberry, blackberry, crab apple, dandelion and plum. Another option can simply be to collect all your uneaten fruit at home that might be going bad and freezing it until you have collected enough to brew. The freezing process also makes hard fruit like crab apples softer, and therefore easier to press. If you want to have an easy life, there’s always the shop, where many fruits are available (as well as honey if you’d like to make mead). If you do choose to wait for autumn to pick hedgerow fruit, or the produce from that old apple tree in the garden that everyone thinks is a burden, your patience will be rewarded. Grab a bucket and fill ‘er up. 2-3 kilos of fruit should make a flavoursome gallon (4.5L) of wine. If you get any strange stares while out picking, let them look. You’re the one winning in life. 

Wash your fruit and then crush it in a pot to release the juices, but don’t make it into jam as bursting pips in fruit can make your wine bitter. Boil the fruit along with a gallon of water to kill off any evil yeast and to bring out flavour. Add 1.5kg of granulated sugar in the boiled gallon of wine and stir. More can be added for sweeter results, and most likely a slightly higher alcohol content. Then add your wine to your fermentor, preferably with the fruit pulp in a straining bag to infuse more flavour throughout fermentation. Allow it to cool to lukewarm and then add your yeast. Put your fledgling booze in a dark, warm place and it should start bubbling within a day. In around 2 weeks the bubbling should have slowed considerably. You then remove the straining bag and transfer the wine into a second fermenter. The trick here is to remove the liquid on the top from the sediment on the bottom. This can be done using a rubber tube or the intestines of your dead enemies. Be careful not to shake up your concoction while it is fermenting and ageing as the sediment will make your wine bitter and resentful.

When the bubbling has ceased completely and you’ve aged it some amount past a month, transfer the finished wine into flip top bottles or whatever airtight container you have to hand. I just re-use my mother’s wine bottles. Stocks are in constant supply. A process called cold-crashing comes in handy at this point; you place your wine in a fridge until it has a finer clarity. Remember to avoid being a medieval serf and label your bottles. It looks a lot more professional (not to mention safer) to those who you’re serving it to. The practice of homebrewing not only increases your appreciation of your own self worth, but it also gives you a better understanding of where your booze comes from and what it contains in comparison to the likes of the ambiguous Tesco rosé. All homebrewers have varied methods of their craft but here above lies a relatively solid set of guidelines that has worked for me countless times. This article may be a mere cork in the stream of our relentless alcohol consumption, but I hope it becomes an inspiring start to someone’s future endeavor of making something out of nothing. Happy brewing and happier boozing.