It’s approaching — if not already — that time of year; an extra sharp cold to the wind, Costa have their festive cups at the ready, and as many would say: “Sure, isn’t Jack Frost out?”. The extra chill, along with looming deadlines, make us rely on those cardboard cups more than any other time in the year. To say they are filled with merely some liquid and perhaps a dash of milk or sugar, is similar to saying that the sole purpose of shoes is for walking. Their power is never to be underestimated. They are in fact a form of fuel, a representation of a well-deserved rest, an escape from the library or your self-made hermit zone at home to go and daydream by the kettle for a bit. But are you what you drink? Where would Scooby Doo be without Scooby Snacks, where would Popeye be without spinach, and after all-rockets don’t run on air. So what exactly is going on in the mind of that little delicious beverage? All that time spent together may make you have more in common than you think.

The Black Shtuff

Coffee takes itself seriously. It is confident, strong and knows what it’s about. Coffee has a purpose: to motivate, energise, revitalise, and kick-start any situation. Don’t get me wrong now, coffee can definitely have a good time too, it knows no bedtime so it is most definitely up for the craic at all times (where tea may have to take a nap). However, it is also known to be bitter at times, especially when left around on a cold day, but bitterness could also be seen as a sort of sassiness, depending on the person. Coffee is ever-reliable when it’s buzzed, but on a bad day ,or even when it’s gone it leaves people wanting more, and also to the extreme level of not being able to live their lives without it. As a note of warning: coffee’s dark, mysterious, alluring side leads to many broken hearts, so be sure the dark side is for you before you go there.

Hot chocolate

 

The sweetest and loveliest of the lot. Hot chocolate is known to spend the majority of its time in another world, in a haze of chocolate sprinkle snow and puffy marshmallow clouds, where in a child like mind-set it sees the sweetness and goodness in all. Hot chocolate has a good heart, and is a delight to be around. In a relationship, hot chocolate’s big heart makes it ever the storybook romantic, and is ready and willing to sweep you off your feet at any time. If you find yourself matched with a hot chocolate, expect to float away on a magic carpet of love with them.

Tea

 

The good aul cuppa, always there when you need it most. Rain, hail, or shine, more than likely you will find tea having a good chat with a close friend. Tea is a great listener so has many close friends as a result. It is the most laid-back of all them all, and has time for everyone. Its only downfall is that when a job needs to be done with its laid-back-cool-cat persona, tea will more than likely get distracted by an invitation for chats (or even worse: chats with cake or a lovely scone), and so the deadline will need to be pushed back. But not to worry, in such a situation tea would apologise profusely and probably buy you cake.

Mocha

Not quite the same strong commitment and drive as coffee may have, and not quite the extreme sweetness of hot chocolate, but the joyous love child of the two. Mocha has time for everything, the coffee part of its soul is determined when it knows work needs to be done, and when work is done it is is happy enough either to go out and celebrate, or to have a cosy night in. Relationship-wise, the dark, mysteriousness, and sweetness of mocha makes it a great romantic, full of surprises. Overall it’s the best of both worlds.

Latte/Cappuccino

 

In the film of the life of these coffees, latte and cappuccino would be the trusty sidekicks of the black shtuff. They are not quite as intense and serious as coffee, rather more on the light fluffy side (but still not a tap on the airy-fairy-ness of hot chocolate). Both are quite concerned with their looks (as it is not enough to just simply be smooth and cool on the inside, one must portray ones smoothness and coolness on the outside too), but cappuccino is definitely the more extreme of the two. For example, on the subject of hats, where latte would be happy enough with a simple yet classy black beret, cappuccino would go for more of a Philip Treacy style (perhaps a forest theme with an in-built water feature). While having a friendly outgoing demeanour, they knowingly act as sidekicks so are not that confident. If you ever come across a latte or a cappuccino, let them know that they can be and are the leading characters in the film that is their lives, so act like it.

Frappa-mocha-choca-choc-chip-chino-dash-of-soy—etc….

 

Frap (as it likes to be referred to by friends) is super fun to be around and is très en vogue all the time. As the seasons change, Frap will change with them. As long as the hype lasts, Frap is with it. Naturally, it is quite an extreme of every personality (very serious in its core yet sweet on the outside, while also on a constant buzz and high from life in general), but the chameleon-like side to Frap makes it quite unpredictable so if Frap is a friend of yours I would be wary of its word. It’s a shame to see Frap following the crowd as it has a wonderful creative imagination of its own and could set new unique trends. Not to fret though, by the end of its immature youth, Frap will realise its potential and a new artist shall be born.

Espresso

Espresso is not someone to be messed with. In fact, I take my hat off to you Espresso, you are driven, fast paced, rich, and have an energetic buzz like no other (almost to the point of near-madness). But, where there are great highs there can be great lows, and those lows are so hard to deal with that espresso ends up ignoring them totally and taking another shot getting them back into the game. A time in particular when espresso has its game face on is when Double Espresso is around (the temptress, very much the Jessica Rabbit of the cafe scene). The idea of Triple Espresso is simply too much to handle for anyone, so unfortunately for espresso its love shall remain unrequited. Espressos have the stamina to keep its lifestyle up for a long time, but must beware that it will not last forever and that taking care of oneself is important too. Espressos out there: remember that it’s a-ok to have some downtime too and you will be all the better for it on your highs.

Now enough of that, off to Costa with the lot of us…