Dear Virgin Me,

Sex becomes less of a big deal once you actually do it. Well, that’s if you hang around with girls who won’t judge you for subsequent escapades from Coppers on a Tuesday night. However, if you’re with the wrong girls, you’re more likely to be talked about after you do it – rather than when you haven’t. Relax, you’re eighteen, in an all-girls school, going to 2nd base is far enough for now. I’m not going to be maternal and wise, telling you to wait a year until you’ve met the one you should have lost it with, because that’s not real life. Sure, some of your friends will lose their V card to their boyfriends, on a perfect sober night with candles and love. But that is not quite how your story will go and, in all honesty, most of your friends will not be in love the first time either.

I know you’re in a rush – you want to get the label removed from your forehead. But let me tell you something, after this label is gone, there will be another one beginning with ‘S’. The boy will claim you were easy and the girls will roll their eyes, laugh, and say “typical”. Things will change in college, you’ll meet friends who won’t say anything after you spend the night in some guy’s bed. When you’re eighteen, it’s hard to know what to do. There is never a right way, if you’re a virgin, you’re a prude; if you’re not, you’re a slut. There is no winning.

So, to combat this, you have to not care what people think. Do whatever you want. If you feel ready, or you’re horny, and maybe a little bit drunk, it’s okay. If you want to sleep with a boy and feel like someone cares about you (even if only for a night), then go for it. But, for the love of God, pinch the top of the condom. Just be prepared, the first one will ignore you the next day, the second one won’t accept your Facebook friend request, and the third will see you as nothing more than something to warm the bed. (Side note: It gets good when you meet the fourth one.)

Eventually, after giving a little piece of yourself to people who would not put you in their puzzle, you will find someone who makes an entire puzzle just of you. You won’t remember your first time, or your second, or your third. But, when you meet the special one, he will make you forget there ever was anyone else. You will remember every single time you made love with him, and how he makes you feel more alive than anyone or anything else ever could. It takes a while to find, or even understand, but when you do, you will be metamorphosed.

You won’t have a dream “first time”, but who the hell cares. You will have a lot of sex in your lifetime. Does it really matter who pushed the first domino? Absolutely not.

Keep it safe,

Aveline Dai xx