2014 was the year straight people discovered anal sex. Even if you weren’t doing it, you were hearing about it. Unless you’re a keen rimming enthusiast with your head already stuck up someone’s asshole, you’ve probably noticed that last year was a pretty good year for discussions of anal play in western popular culture. The top-rated new drama How to Get Away with Murder featured an ass-eating scene, and Mindy Kaling devoted a whole episode of The Mindy Project to anal sex. Pitchfork declared 2014 “the year we reached Peak Ass”, as booty was ubiquitous in both lyrics and choreography: Nicki Minaj sang about a lover who “tossed [her] salad like his name Romaine”, Meghan Trainor claimed to “bring booty back”, and J.Lo and Iggy Azalea awkwardly rubbed their butts together in the video for Booty. To top it off, on last week’s season premiere of Girls, Marnie had her ass eaten out and fucking loved it. What was great about the Girls scene was that it was totally NBD — who doesn’t get their ass eaten in the kitchen in the middle of the day? The past year has broken barriers when it comes to discussions and representations of progressive sex on television. Does this mean that straight people have finally discovered that they too have assholes that can be sites for sexual pleasure?
As we bust through the door of hetero ass play culture, it’s worth noting that for some gay men, a finger up the butt is first date material, and most of my gay friends regard rimming as relatively vanilla. One friend remarked that Queer as Folk had a rimming scene in its very first episode fifteen years ago, and confirmed that rimming wasn’t something that he’s ever shied away from or given much of a second thought to. “That’s just where I instinctively go during sex, so to see rimming having a moment right now and being discovered by straight people is kind of funny. It’s so intimate and the fact that it’s something which before now wasn’t really seen in the mainstream made it seem that much more hot and illicit!”
The more popular media talks about and showcases sex acts that go against traditional heteronormative sex, the more we encourage and normalise them. For years, anal play was characterised by stereotypes, mainly that it was only for gay men. The male ass is often read as an exclusively “gay” playground, and few straight guys will admit to having, or wanting to have, their asses eaten. Plenty of people have dabbled in ass play, but I learned while writing this piece that few things will shut up a room full of straight guys like asking if they enjoy getting their salad tossed. Even when asked privately, they were firm about not willing to discuss it, with one even telling me, “I don’t appreciate being asked about that kind of thing.” The fact that rimming is fenced off and excluded from what is considered acceptable conversation indicates that even as ass eating is becoming less taboo, merely talking about it is still a line straight guys are hesitant to cross. It seems obvious to link male fear or unwillingness to admit an interest in anal play to issues of anxious masculinity and masculine desire for control, concerned with the implications about their sexuality. In my experience, straights girls just don’t talk about it, or if they do they express concerns that if they try ass play once, it’ll be all their man wants to do. “What’s wrong with normal fingering? If people want to do it they can, but I’m happy with it in front.” One girl confessed to receiving it and loving it, but immediately shut down any possibility of reciprocating. It seems that getting it is okay, but giving? Not so much.
It’s 2015 and ass play for straight people may be on the menu, but the lack of conversation about the topic in Ireland makes it seem more likely to be à la carte.
Illustration by Graham Haught.
