Consent is a word that gets thrown around a lot, it’s a fundamental part of forming the line between what is right and what is wrong in a sexual context. When one thinks of consent, the mind often wanders to sex, and this is good, consent and rape culture is being questioned and discussed, however, why is it sometimes only sex that demands discussion around consent? Why not something as simple as PDA?
There are different levels of comfort for everyone. Some people hate any and all kinds of public displays of affection. This can range anywhere from kissing someone in public to something as simple as holding hands. It begs the question, is it okay to just do these things in public without asking? Obviously, the answer is yes, but think about it – how often do you ask a friend if is it okay to hug them?
This isn’t some onslaught on romantic/platonic spontaneity, some people do enjoy these little gestures and some people don’t. What’s important is finding where a person feels comfortable. This brings me on to my next point, how exactly do you express to someone that you don’t like it? Saying no can be hard and nobody wants to be considered ‘cold’.
It can be difficult to express to someone that you don’t want them to touch you for fear of them being offended or just out of a lack of confidence. It’s important to realise that in these situations that you should put yourself first and make sure that you feel comfortable. Perhaps telling the person that ‘I don’t really feel comfortable being touched right now’ is a good way to phrase your response if you want to spare the other person’s feelings but really, the person should respect your boundaries or perhaps they aren’t worth your time in the first place.
It’s interesting how examining this concept of consent can open a discussion about not only the ‘big’ things, like sex, but also the smaller things which one may not consider when interacting day to day with people. Sometimes it’s due to factors such as culture, gender or age and sometimes it can be simply just be personal preference. We often fail to consider these things when socialising with people and it may be to our detriment.
If a friend is crying, or visibly upset, usually the first instinct would be to reach out to them, but perhaps this is not what they want. Sometimes when people experience shock or distress, touch from another person can be overwhelming and possibly the last thing they want in that moment. Yet we, collectively, can sometimes neglect to consider this too.
This may also be viewed in the context of relationships. While it goes without saying that consent is always required no matter your relationship to the person, in romantic relationships, the concept of light touching can be glossed over as something that just happens when you’re intimate with someone, but this is not necessarily true. Consent needs to be considered and valued with any form of contact, no matter your relationship to the person.
While this topic is gaining political traction at the moment, its relevance doesn’t exist in a bubble. It is important to recognise how consent can, and does, affect the relationships you have with anyone you interact with be they friends, partners or strangers.
