In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s currently a global pandemic happening and due to the seriousness of the situation, sex would be the last thing on your mind, right? 

Wrong.

A few weeks ago, a questionnaire was posted to give people the chance to ask the TN2 Sex Editor questions about sex and relationships. I am nowhere near qualified for the role but I will give this agony aunt thing a go.

 

My boyfriend is a lot more physically and sexually orientated than I am. He expects to be shown love physically but I find that difficult. Are there any tips you could give to help me be a better girlfriend?

There’s a few things to consider when answering this question. First of all, it is completely normal to not be as sexually orientated as your partner. Each person experiences sex differently and some people enjoy certain aspects of sex more than others. A key part of this is communication. Your boyfriend shouldn’t ‘expect’ anything from you just like you shouldn’t expect that he is aware of your differences in how you feel towards physical intimacy. Perhaps having a conversation with him explaining your needs and wants in relation to intimacy might help you come to a solution? Just to note – there’s no need for you to be a ‘better’ girlfriend. While sex can play a part in some relationships, it’s not the be all, end all.

 

I’ve been dating a postgrad and I’ve seen stuff about there being a power dynamic and I’m worried they might be exploiting that. What should I do? 

Power dynamics in a relationship can be a tricky one. Sometimes these dynamics can arise naturally due to differences in circumstances, like yours. If somebody is a few years older than you or has just that little bit more life experience, you may feel a bit naive or vulnerable. This only becomes a problem if the person is using that against you. If you can clearly identify that this person is exploiting their position of power over you, it might be time to examine whether this relationship is truly something that you can see yourself gaining happiness from. If it is not, and these behaviours continue, it might not be best to let the relationship continue.

 

Does size matter? 

‘Size does matter. Nobody wants a small glass of wine’ – a  search result from Google.

In all seriousness, if you Google this, you will get a million different answers because there is no answer. Anyway, if you’re having sex with someone who will judge or make you feel embarrassed because of that, then they certainly aren’t worth your time.

 

Any solutions for a woman who experiences pain during sex?

Pain during sex is very common. I imagine it is quite under-reported due to embarrassment or a willingness to please but it can, and does happen. While I’m no doctor, I would suggest using lubricants and taking things slow by engaging in a lot of foreplay in order to make sure you are more relaxed and possibly make things a bit less uncomfortable for you. It may also be a good idea to mention this to your partner before sex or during the times when you may feel pain just so they are aware that they may need to slow down or be a bit more gentle.

 

I suffer from bad body image and I’m worried about having sex with my significant other for the first time in case they don’t find me attractive

When we have sex with someone, we make ourselves vulnerable to that person in a way that is unique to that experience. I’m sorry to hear that you suffer from bad body image as that can make these situations a lot harder. I would always advocate that one of the best things you can do is communicate with your significant other about this and try and help them understand that this is something that may impact your experience. A relationship has a lot more components than physical attraction and it is unlikely that your partner will not find you attractive based solely on that – especially someone that you have been seeing for a while.

If you still imagine that you’ll feel uncomfortable being completely naked during sex, it may be an option to covering areas where you may feel more vulnerable to be seen – only if this was something that YOU feel would help YOU.

 

Now, some very serious questions that definitely were not written by TN2 staff.

 

Who’s the fittest TN2 editor?

I couldn’t possibly comment, since we’re currently recruiting staff (check out the Facebook page). I’ll make that judgment in September (I won’t)

 

How to trick any of the TN2 editors into shifting me?

Nothing has worked for me so far, so I don’t think you can.

 

I think I love the girl reading this

I think I do too.

 

If you’d like to make a submission, the link is https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfy7dn_6leOx_u2sUvmxPvxO7bVFPd6VuUNL6aDtCVnvawysg/viewform