Aquarius // January 20 – February 18

Dirty Computer – Janelle Monae

As a progressive individual and deep thinker, you need something that has meaning. You probably study PPES so haven’t dared to go near music this mainstream (at least not publicly) — if it has over 100,000 listens, you’re cancelled. But Dirty Computer isn’t just an album chockablock with quality bops and bangers, it also offers a perspective from Janelle Monae on what it is like to live in this world as a black queer woman. Listen to this before you attend your next protest to get yourself riled up and ready to throw another milkshake at Leo. 

Pisces // February 19- March 20

Depression Cherry – Beach House

You’re depressed, we get it. So does Beach House. Indulge yourself while you stare at your bedroom wall by throwing on Depression Cherry on repeat. Let this be the album you can never listen to again because you associate it with your deep emotional troubles. It’s aptly named and it also has some absolute bangers. Space out to ‘Space Song’, are you feeling ‘Beyond Love’? It’s time to spin around in your bedroom with tears flowing down your face like one of those slow-mo moments in every sad music video. (You might have to whip out the record player to get yourself in the proper depressed mindset).

Aries // March 21 to April 19

Channel Orange – Frank Ocean

Dude. You need to chill out bro, seriously. Stop rushing around, slam the brakes and put those headphones on. Here’s some Frank O for you so you can learn how to let things flow and just relax. Channel Orange slows you right down with its unhurried tempo, hypnotising beats and bittersweet lyrics. ‘Thinkin Bout You’ gets you into the vibe immediately, then the chillness just continues to intensify with the ultimate mellow track ‘Pyramids’ coming in at almost 10 minutes of pure beauty right in the middle of this 17-track masterpiece. 

Taurus // April 20 – May 20

Art Angels – Grimes

Oh, to be back in the days when Grimes was a workers rights champion and an all-round symbol of hope for the weird. Let’s be real here, you are nothing like Grimes and never will be; you are just too stable and reliable. Art Angels is weird enough to find fascinating without being so weird that you couldn’t even begin to understand what is going on. Poppy and powerful, Art Angels is the perfect compliment to you delving through Grimes’ recent history and reading articles about her playing techno toX Æ A-Xii in the womb.

Gemini // May 21 – June 21

Is This It – The Strokes

Is this it, chief? Sit back, relax, and listen to the best album ever recorded. Is This It marked the end of an era — the end of rock. Geminis are well known to be the best of the star signs so you get only the best of the best music. Julian Casablancas composed this album straight from his magnificent brain and in 2001, he and the lads made history. If you’re feeling funky and fancy procrastinating for another few hours, why not listen to the next 5 albums too! People who say it ain’t worth your time are just wrong. The Strokes will change your life.

Cancer // June 21 – July 22

Humbug – Arctic Monkeys

Cancer, nobody understands your mood swings like Humbug-era Alex Turner. This underrated album is everything you need. Moody, minor and magnificent, Humbug ticks all the right boxes for you. Prepare yourself with your chunky headphones for your walk into college, and press play for a perfect compliment to your death stare and Docs as you saunter through the streets through the throngs of terrified passersby.

Leo // July 23 -August 22

Get Rich or Die Tryin’- 50 Cent

Whether you’re a Pimp or a Wanksta, you need to listen to 50 Cent’s masterpiece. Contrary to the album title, Mr Cent isn’t all about capitalism (don’t worry hardcore commies). He speaks some hard truths while supplying some ridiculous choonage. You like to have a good time, don’t you? Get into your boy racer car, pump up the volume and blast ‘In Da Club’ while you cruise around Dublin thinking you’re the shit. This album is a masterpiece from beginning to end

 

Virgo // August 23 – September 22

Fearless – Taylor Swift

All non-swiftie Virgos will be converted once they get to track 10 ‘Hey Stephen’ (fun fact: one can replace ‘Stephen’ with any two syllable name to make a hilarious singalong e.g. ‘Hey Julie’). Virgos seek to find goodness in humankind, and as we all know, Taylor Swift is an angel on earth, epitomising what it is to be a down-to-earth human being. Also, she just has so many friends, so many. You want so many friends too, don’t you? Must be tough being a Virgo then you loner. Listen to Fearless to start your journey of becoming a full-blown Swiftie and maybe one day Taylor might even follow you on Twitter.

Libra // September 23 – October 22

Sublime – Sublime

Take a trip with Sublime, and let the vibes flow as they bring you on a wild ride through SoCal. We all know you, just a peaceful, chilled out kid who just likes to smoke a bit of the good herb every now and then. Bro, Sublime isn’t just a stoner band, their shit is so much deeper than that. No harsh vibes here, just love, laughter, and a big dalmatian called Lou Dog.

Scorpio // October 23 – November 21

3cag – Kneecap

You will never be able to hear the phrase ‘Fuck me’ without following it by ‘Ní fhaca mé na bastardaí’ once you listen to the masterpiece that is 3cag. This album is how I studied for my Leaving Cert oral exam and there are a good few handy phrases in it to pull out of the bag. Your passion for Irish unity can be displayed with pride while you and your friends learn about Irish language rights from the lads.

Sagittarius // November 22 – December 21

No Strings Attached – NSYNC

As one who loves to travel, you above all other star signs should have the mental capacity to appreciate No Strings Attached. Take a space ride with JT & co as they take you on a wild ride through the 2000s. Before the time of cybersex, NSYNC was singing about digitally getting down. For the full experience, watch the insane choreography in their music vids. Bye bye bye for now. (P.s. Your horoscope is 69 words for a reason).

Capricorn // December 22 – January 19

I Am… Sasha Fierce – Beyonce

Beyonce’s alter ego is who you really want to be. You are always the serious and responsible one, but sometimes you just want to let it all go and just be another person for a day. Let your Sasha Fierce out and turn up your radio. Blast ‘Single Ladies’ regardless of whether you are single or not because for now, you’re Sasha. Yes, you can be a diva, yes you can be a female version of a hustler. So put that spreadsheet away, close those twenty three tabs and get boogieing.