●●○○○
Following the events of Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them, Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is banned from international travel. These events, too, resulted in the dark wizard Grindelwald (previously Colin Farrell as the best part of that film; here Johnny Depp as one of the worst parts of this film) ending up in the custody of the American Ministry of Magic, and Credence Barebone (Ezra Miller), a young wizard raised by muggle Evangelical Christians, believed to be dead.
Given the title of the movie, I don’t have to tell you that Grindelwald escapes custody pretty promptly, do I? And if you’ve seen the trailer, you know that Credence is back, and looking for his wizarding family with the aid of future-Voldemort-Horcrux, Nagini (played by Korean actress Claudia Kim in a wholly unnecessary role that smacks of body horror, fanservice and racism all in one.) And, of course, Newt is again sent on his travels by mentor Albus Dumbledore, here played with louche charm and a faint Dublin lilt by Jude Law.
Between the vague implications in Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows and the extra-textual, tacked-on-diversity that Rowling periodically announces on Twitter, fans of the Potterverse know that Dumbledore was, once upon a time, terribly in love with a charismatic young Grindelwald and this led to multiple tragedies in his life, beginning with the death of his sister, Arianna. This tragic queer love story is alluded to a few times in Crimes of Grindelwald, with Albus gazing forlornly into the Mirror of Erised (featured in this movie for no reason other than this sequence) to reveal that the deepest desire of his heart is a reunion with his lost love and proclaiming that they had been “closer than brothers.” It’s half-assed at best, but the movie does reveal why it took so long for Albus to intervene against his ex, and sets up the next film in the series to be about that confrontation. In fact, setting up the next movie seems to be the primary impetus of the Crimes of Grindelwald, and that’s only the fourth worst thing about the movie.
What are the top three? Firstly: the racial politics of this movie are really bloody awkward. There are multiple women of colour featured, certainly, but their characters are treated abysmally. Nagini is there with her awkward collection of stereotypes, contributing nothing to the plot and seems only to be included as a way to straight-wash Credence (who seemed really gay for Colin Farrell last time around). Zoe Kravitz is superb as Leta Lestrange, a dynamic character tormented by bad memories, who is stuck in an uninspiring love triangle and then sacrifices herself to save a handful of white people. Her mother, in flashbacks, is raped under mind-control which leads to the conception of Leta, and then dies in childbirth. Also, the allusions to the American Civil Rights movement are hamfisted and unsubtle from start to finish.
Secondly: the plot is incredibly convoluted, bloated awkwardly with too many characters and too many Easter Eggs. The story lacks all menace on a character front and relies wholly upon (admittedly thrilling) special effects. The casual viewer will be completely lost and the Potterheads, like myself, will be grumpy.
And thirdly: Johnny bloody Depp. The first of the Crimes of Grindelwald was committed well before the movie hit the cinema: fans of the Harry Potter universe were nearly universally disgusted at the casting of Johnny Depp as the titular villain. With the allegations of abuse against ex-wife Amber Heard very much in the spotlight – allegations which almost certainly were a large part in why Alice Through The Looking Glass tanked – fans wrote and tweeted in protest. Harry’s story is that of an abused child making his own way in the world, and the casting of an abuser in the prequel-era movies was deeply upsetting to many, but doubling down on this casting was only the first of the problems with this film. And, you know what? Depp doesn’t even turn in one of his better performances, which just adds insult to injury. Bring back Colin Farrell!
Speaking of Colin Farrell, Ezra Miller’s Credence seems to have left all nuance of his portrayal back in the last film with him. The two had incredible chemistry in the last film, and this sequel misses that as an anchor. Eddie Redmayne continues to cavort about like he’s auditioning to play The Doctor, but newcomer Callum Turner is very good as Theseus Scamander, Newt’s Aauror brother, and some of Redmayne’s stronger moments are with Turner. Alison Sudol and Dan Fogler are just as charming this time around as Legilimens Queenie Goldstein and her muggle beau, Jacob Kowalski, even though the narrative is not kind to them.
On the plus side, the soundtrack is incredible. It’s epic and soaring enough to almost make you believe that something might just be happening on screen. (Spoilers: not so much.) Jude Law is actually very, very good as Dumbledore, and this particular movie finally acknowledges that Albus is, in fact, an arch-manipulator. Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) seems actively aware he’s being manipulated, and actually surprised with himself that it’s working. Oops? A bit like the audience of this movie realising that the scenes back at Hogwarts are there to make you feel sentimental and positively-disposed to the rest of the film.
Overall, the movie is a mixed bag of the entertaining and the deeply awkward/problematic. It’s not as bad as The Cursed Child, but it’s certainly not good. But we’re the Potter generation, so you’ll probably go and see the movie regardless of what this review says. And that’s what they’re counting on.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes of Grindelwald is on wide release.
