We’ve all been there: a long, fruitless day has ended, and you find yourself alone, staring face-down into the creamy foam of a freshly-poured pint for solace. What else is there to do but drink?
Read a book, of course! And today, we’ll be discussing FIVE of the best books to read in a pub!
- Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh
A few pints in, you will be hankering for a bit of drama. Perhaps, a good ol’ fashioned Saturday night square-up. However, this is not socially acceptable, and violence is never the answer. A good book like Trainspotting is just the thing to calm your riotous urges and think about how bad it could get. Maybe afterwards you’ll put the book down, decide not to buy another pint, and return home.
- The Stranger by Albert Camus
Have you ever thought about laying your heart open to the benign indifference of the universe? Boy, do I have the book for you! When you’re alone in Doyle’s on a Tuesday night, drinking your third eight-and-a-half-Euro pint, the adventures of Mersault and his friends will leave you pleasantly at peace with the shortcomings of your life. No more struggling needlessly– a dark wind rises towards you from somewhere deep in your future. Give in.
- Where’s Wally? by Martin Handford
When you’ve been drinking, it can be hard to focus on words. Why not focus on pictures instead? Where’s Wally provides a fun activity for those too intoxicated to read. Wally, his dog, the wizard guy– the gang’s all here to help cheer you up!
- Ulysses by James Joyce
The obvious candidate. Just read this description:
“…a crystal cup full of the foamy ebon ale which the noble twin brothers Bungiveagh and Bungardilaun brew ever in their divine alevats, cunning as the sons of deathless Leda. For they garner the succulent berries of the hop and mass and sift and bruise and brew them and they mix therewith sour juices and bring the must to the sacred fire and cease not night or day from their toil, those cunning brothers, lords of the vat.”
Ulysses, Chapter 12
This guy really knew what he was talking about!
- The Holy Bible by God, et al.
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.” (Ephesians 5:18; also see Proverbs 20:1, 23:20, Isaiah 5:22).
You heard it from God himself– forget the wine, get drunk on spirits! Leave the pub, go to the closest off-licence, and buy yourself a bottle of Huzzar. They say there’s no ailment in this world that a good slug of cheap vodka can’t cure–not even a hangover!
This is the best article that this damned magazine has ever published