WORDS: Anonymous
Women possess the only organ that exists solely for pleasure: the clitoris. However, up until 1998 it wasn’t even scientifically recognized.
It was exam season. I was horny. He came first. To his surprise, I am not one to come on command, so there was almost nothing he could do to make me climax. Almost. “Would you mind if we used my vibrator?” I asked, naively expecting him to be enthusiastic in returning the favour. Instead, I received a look of confused horror and an awkward exit, leaving me embarrassed and unsatisfied. Lying there, I began to question why men were often so intimidated by vibrators. To some men, maybe they are seen as a threat; something which competes with their own sexual abilities. To me, they hold the potential for a fairer sexual experience: one where I’m not left behind because my sexual partner came first.
After doing some research, I realized I wasn’t the only one witnessing a disparity between male and female sexual experiences. One paper from 2005 states that 98% of men always reach orgasm during sex, while only 11% of women can say the same. It is clear that there is a huge disparity between male and female orgasms: women just come less. What is not so clear is why we come less, and why we’re not doing anything about it.
When you realize how many more orgasms men have compared to women, it is easy to jump to the conclusion that we are all just inherently “hard to please”. Thankfully, this is not the case. First of all, women are perfectly capable of pleasing themselves, and on average take just as long to climax from masturbation as a man does from intercourse: 4 minutes.
Secondly, studies have shown that women who sleep with other women have more orgasms than heterosexual women, and are more sexually satisfied. One bisexual friend of mine explained to me that she comes more often with women, but rejects the argument that women know what to do to each other because they know what they want themselves. Instead, she finds that every girl is different and complex. However, she knows how good a female orgasm can be, so she is more empathetic and tries a bit harder. This can make it more rewarding for both parties.
Could a lack of effort be the reason for the orgasm gap between men and women? I don’t think it’s fair to generalize and say men simply don’t try hard enough. What is more likely is that men simply don’t know enough about female sexuality. Many men received teenage sexual education from porn, and are therefore tragically misinformed. I have often heard friends recount stories of men being confused when they didn’t come — screaming like a porn star after some very average sex.
Not only do some heterosexual men seem to have completely warped expectations of women in the bedroom, but it also seems like the whole world, including women, is undereducated when it comes to female sexuality. Women possess the only organ that exists solely for pleasure: the clitoris. However, up until 1998 it wasn’t even scientifically recognized. Now we know that it’s true shape looks like some sort of alien spacecraft, which spans up to 9cm internally when unerect.
I doubt the boy who I had a casual romp with knew the female anatomy this well, and if I’m honest, until now neither did I. Maybe if he at least understood that women were more complex, or different, to men, he may have embraced my vibrator as an ally rather than a competitor. In hindsight, I don’t think that vibrators should replace the effort, education, care and patience that goes into a mutually beneficial sexual experience. However it would be nice if men were open minded about them — after all, seeing somebody else being pushed over the edge is half the fun.
