Photo by Alina Kovalchuk on Unsplash.
On the first of September I arrived in Paris on my own, ready to start a new chapter. As soon as I got to sit down in my room after a morning of travel, an experience with an angry taxi man, and finding out I was staying with a couple in their sixties who in fact were not living in the countryside and occasionally visiting Paris, but rather living in Paris and occasionally visiting their cottage in Burgundy, I burst into tears. I can only describe my first few weeks away from home as an emotional rollercoaster, which thankfully ended over time, after realising that self-sabotage – drinking almost every night, kissing strangers, dismissing my schoolwork, and convincing myself that I would only do three weeks of college then return to Ireland – would never amount to a positive outcome. I stated to my parents on my second day that “Paris just isn’t for me,” after having sat in bed crying for almost twenty-four hours and only seeing the motorway and my local graveyard. Once I left my room and started meeting up with people my mindset shifted, and I was met with the most amazing four months.
A natural introvert, I thought that moving away from home would be a walk in the park. I loved my own company and had always wanted to visit Paris with its gorgeous buildings, museums, vintage shops, and restaurants. This desire to remain alone changed drastically on Erasmus. A girl from my secondary school – who soon became a very close friend of mine – contacted me on my second day and asked if I’d like to go for drinks with her and some girls she met at college that week. Without these girls I genuinely think my plan to leave after three weeks would have become my reality. More than ever I clung to the company of others. Through the friendships I made, I was able to crawl out of my little rut and fall in love with the city and the experiences that Erasmus brought.
Erasmus taught me to value my platonic relationships, more than I’d ever done before. My day-to-day life at home consisted of seeing friends perhaps two or three times a week outside of classes and work. However, living by myself and not having the safety net of my family,I bgan to value my friends more than I ever had before. Growing up I tended to struggle with groups and forming connections with others due to trust issues and low self-esteem. Whilst I’ve always been quite independent and capable of looking after myself, in a way it was moving abroad that taught me that it is almost unhealthy to not need to rely on anyone else in life. In a city with a limited number of connections I learnt how to create strong relationships, and not even with those who I was with in Paris, but those from home.
Moving away from everyone I knew, I had to make sure that I kept in touch. Whilst I’ve always been relatively okay at checking up on my friends, knowing I was not going to physically bump into them on the streets of Dublin meant I had to put more effort into online interactions. I’ve now become accustomed to daily check-up messages with friends. Another thing that has changed because of what I’ve learnt on Erasmus is that I actively hang out with friends more than I ever did before.
I was more affectionate with my friends at home because of the people I met on Erasmus, they taught me so much about relationships and made my experience unforgettable. I didn’t go a day without meeting up for a coffee or museum visit with friends, something I would have found inconceivable at home. Meeting people from different backgrounds showed me how little us Irish showed love for each other, with the French embracing strangers kissing their cheeks and constantly reminding their friends how much they love them. As well as this us Irish really are not accustomed to casual dating and dating apps. Whilst a lot of my friends in Dublin have Tinder and Hinge, I never hear of them attending weekly dates in town. My friends from Copenhagen and Munich were astounded that I was not going on multiple Hinge dates in Paris, they had dates lined up for the next two weeks and explored parts of Paris with French men. At home they dated a lot too and were surprised when I told them that was not the case in Dublin – well, for me and my friends that is. The beauty of being away from home and not knowing anyone made dating apps a lot more enticing. The idea of casual dating was something me and my other Irish friends grew more open too. Sorry to say though, I will not be documenting my experiences with French men – who I will say are a lot more forward than the Irish. Once on a run in the rain a man tapped my shoulder and asked to go for a drink; he gave off serial killer vibes so that was a date I did not attend.
On Thanksgiving, sitting in a room full of people I had only met a couple months before, I felt like I was surrounded by my family. As we all ate the food that my friend’s boyfriend prepared for us, drinking mulled wine and reminiscing on moments we had spent together, I realised that no matter where I was in the world, I was lucky to say that I truly had amazing friends. Everyone I was surrounded by was away from home, but we had come together to create our own unique family. Moving abroad taught me to strengthen my platonic relationships – living in our own little apartments, drinking wine on balconies, and glaring at couples blocking the streets, we formed a strong bond, one which will always remain no matter where in the world. Since arriving home I’ve been a lot more active in meeting up with friends and can say that my platonic relationships are thriving. Whilst I did attend college in the city of love, I am happy to say that I found love in the friendships I made rather than the romantic opportunities I was offered.
