While the season typically associated with giving gifts draws swiftly to a close, the act of gift giving still retains its importance as a symbol of love and friendship, whether it’s for a special occasion or a more spontaneous display of affection. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages has gained a lot of traction in recent years. Chapman’s  concept focuses on the importance of understanding how ourselves and others prefer to give and receive love; a love language can be defined as a preferred mode of communicating our affections for our beloveds. Chapman presents this idea as the key to growth and understanding in our relationships, whether they are platonic, familial or romantic. One of these so-called love languages is ‘gift receiving’. Associated with materiality, this particular love language is often misunderstood, and, as a result, invalidated. At first, I was also guilty of this perception. However, I have begun to realise that the joy that comes from receiving a meaningful gift from a significant other, family member or friend can be something truly special. When you turn that idea on its head and look at it from the gift giver’s perspective, there is really nothing more rewarding than seeing the face of someone you love light up when you give them a gift that shows that you really understand them. 

To put an end to another common misunderstanding of gift giving, you do not need to spend a lot of money to buy a thoughtful gift! In fact, you don’t need to spend anything at all for a gift to be special. Maybe you have a talent for painting, song-writing, knitting or crochet that you could share. Take advantage of your strengths the next time you want to give someone a gift and I promise you it’ll go down a treat! Those receiving them will acknowledge the thoughtfulness that went into planning it and recognise that you’ve made an effort to make this present. It is often all the more rewarding to give a gift that you had fun creating too! What I get most out of giving gifts is the curatorial aspect, adding my own creative flair to the wrapping or how I choose to present it. 

I firmly believe gift giving is most fulfilling as a spontaneous act – the lack of expectation shows that it came from a place of genuine love and makes it a memorable occasion for both the giver and receiver. I worry that this joy and spontaneity is lost in the tradition of ‘Secret Santa’, as it comes bearing a sense of obligation which suffocates gift giving of its capacity as an unprompted expression of love. It then becomes an expectation: something to be dreaded. Let’s be real – in most cases we know who got who what by the time it comes to swapping, and this mass gift giving is bound to lead to comparisons of who did a ‘better’ job. Year in year out, work colleagues and estranged school friends partake in this luck of the draw escapade and end up settling with giving some meaningless gift to someone whose first pet they couldn’t name. The ‘Secret Santa’ cycle is inescapable and often you remain trapped in it long after regular conversation between you and the person you’re buying for has fizzled away. Perhaps next year we might consider whether the sense of burden that comes with the obligation of gift giving eradicates its unique sense of individuality and spontaneity, unintentionally sapping the joy out of this love language?

I think that an experience can be one of the best gifts you can give to someone. Material gifts are forgotten easily over time; it’s hard to remember every present you’ve unwrapped, never mind who you got it from. But an experience such as a day out, tickets to a play or concert or something new and exciting that you’ve always wanted to try (think skydiving) is something that will stick with you forever. The anticipation leading up to the experience is unmatched – there’s nothing better than having something to look forward to, don’t we know it as we enter the next lockdown! Some of the best gifts I’ve received and given have included concerts that I’ll always look back on fondly. It’s also the perfect excuse to fit in some quality time with your friends, siblings or whomever else you might want to share a new experience with. In a time when we’ve all got conflicting and busy schedules, being able to mark a date in your calendar is a sure-fire solution to fitting in some (often much needed) bonding.

Gift giving is a kind of art form and the giver themselves can derive just as much enjoyment from the act as the receiver does. The key to this being an enjoyable activity is to take the opportunity to channel your own creativity and unique take on what defines a gift into it. When you reimagine this concept as something that shouldn’t be treated as a menial task and instead something that both parties can take pleasure in, I think you’ll find that gift giving might just be your very own love language.