Originally published in print, September 2021.

Photo by Eadaoin Fagan.

1. What are you most likely to be found doing at a party?
   1. Arguing about which flavour of Pringle’s is truly the best.
   2. Making as many new acquaintances as possible – networking is key!
   3. Making witty conversation and taking mental notes of the room for the autofiction you’ll write when you get home.
   4. Trying to convince anyone who will listen that campus could actually seriously do with a new business school.

2. What’s your drink of choice? 
   1. Vodka-soda
   2. Guinness
   3. A locally produced craft beer
   4. The blood of your dissenters

3. Which minor character from Normal People do you most identify with?
   1. Marianne’s first college boyfriend who loves free speech.
   2. Free speech guy’s less important friend.
   3. The girl who asks to read Connell’s English essay.
   4. The guy who announces who got Schols.

4. Pick a ‘Trinity Graduate Attribute’:
   1. To think independently.
   2. To develop continuously.
   3. To communicate effectively.
   4. To act responsibly.

5. What course do you wish you were doing? 
   1. History and Politics
   2. Engineering
   3. Single Honors English 
   4. Engineering

 

Mostly A’s: Looks like you’re going to fit right into the debating societies! You’re argumentative, analytical, and often notice a glazed look over the eyes of those you discuss politics with. Head right over to the GMB and sign up for a debate!

Mostly B’s: You show all the signs of a student politician.You go to the right parties, shake the right hands, and love nothing more than feeling desperately important. Be it through the JCR to Students’ Union president route, or from more humble beginnings as a diligent class rep, your ambition makes you one to watch…

Mostly C’s: You show great promise as a future contributor to Trinity’s many publications. You are insightful, dedicated, and probably alienated people in your Leaving Cert English class. So whether it be for Trinity News, the University Times, TN2, or any one of the diverse journals, papers and magazines on campus, get writing (especially for TN2)!

Mostly D’s: You are outgoing provost Patrick Prendergast! Your passion for education just about surpasses your passion for international student fees. Your tenure may have been controversial, but you got to live in a city-center gaff for ten years on the taxpayers’ bill, so don’t listen to the doubters.