It’s one of the 10 commandments of university living – you don’t fuck your flatmate. Why? You don’t have to search for long to find lists of reasons why many of our classmates warn against the perils of getting involved with the girl/boy literally next door; it can complicate things with other flatmates, lead to the dreaded and unavoidable awkwardness that emerges if things turn sour, and it can lead to a co-dependant and strained relationship. These are just a few situations you should consider before getting involved in the intricacies of flatcest. BUT….can you really help who you’re attracted to at the end of the day?
Shared university living can be tough for many reasons, but one of the toughest dilemmas freshers face when they first move in can – funnily enough – come in the form of being faced with the person of their dreams.
Living with your crush brings an entirely new perspective to the relationship – you get to spend more time together, and consequently can get to know each other on a much more intimate level. Basically, living together puts your relationship into fast-forward, which can be a great thing; there are so many stories of people who met when they first moved in to halls, fell in love and still walk blissfully through the corridors of the arts block today hand in hand.
Moreover, we all know it is impossible to hide the messiest parts of yourself when you’re living with 4 or 5 other people and all sharing a kitchen and bathroom, meaning any potential flatmate flame will love you for the real you, no matter how many gross cereal bowls you may leave in the sink.
Another useful advantage of getting with your flatmate is that it’s practically so much easier than getting with someone outside of your inner circle ; you’re not going to have to worry about sneaking them home to campus after a night out and past the security guard at Front Gate, nor have to worry about the awkward introduction to the other flatmates in the morning. Flatmate romances can totally work, and can become the most solid and loving relationships out there, so don’t be scared to shoot your shot! Light some candles, put on some music and make SURE to close the curtains – the last thing you want is for the whole courtyard to see just how close you and your flatmate are getting!
I would even go as far as saying that fancying your flatmate can unite the rest of the flat in a common mission : nothing bonds a group quite as much as a shared determination to help a member in their conquest of a love interest, and the gossip sessions stemming from flat friendships-with-benefits will certainly break the ice between you all!
Having said all this, it would be foolish not to warn against the reverse side of fancying your flatmate. Complicated would be an understatement when describing the process of navigating a potential break-up within a flat – you really don’t want your new flatmates to be having to choose sides between you and your crush if things don’t work out, and be careful not to overburden your flatmates with your potential flat-situationship.
A key question to ask is if you really fancy the person in question, or if the proximity is playing tricks on your mind. Is getting with a flatmate once or twice worth running the risk of causing a major flat fallout? You also may have to be ready for the day that they bring back someone else to the apartment, which can put you in a really heartbreaking position.
Feelings can be so difficult to figure out and can arise really unexpectedly, especially when you’re seeing someone every single day, so sometimes a little bit of space can be crucial in figuring out whether or not you’re ready to make your move on your new neighbour. Go home for the weekend if you can, spend some time with your friends, get however many KC peaches coffees your heart desires until you feel clear-headed enough to make a judgement call on what is best for you – if that call is to pour your heart out to the person in question and come clean about your adoration, then everyone who loves and supports you will be behind you 100%.
College is all about exploring who you are and who you like, and flatmate relationships can be a really important part of that. Don’t forget – nothing ever happens in this world by accident! So if a gorgeous human being just so happens to land in your flat and you find their cans cosily nestled next to yours in the fridge, you can absolutely take that as a sign to be brave and see what happens! Regretting not taking your chance with someone is one of the worst feelings to be overwhelmed with, so try not to let the nerves get to you and be confident that whatever happens, it won’t be that big a deal since you have your whole hot-girl college career ahead of you – and if nothing else, it’s good for the plot!
It’s fundamental to bear this is mind: do not let anyone make you feel bad about getting with or fancying a flatmate- like we said before, you can’t help who you’re attracted to! Being honest about your feelings and going for what you want is something to be admired, so even if things don’t work out, don’t deep it too much! Besides, there’s always next year and a whole new pool of fit flatmates to look forward to…
WORDS: Annie Neill
