Originally published in print November 2020.

Illustration by Lola Fleming.

 

(A note for the reader, this is not a bash against any artist or organization in this industry. These are just an amalgamation of thoughts and observations over the past couple of years..)

 

I have had it, quite simply.

 

 

I am exhausted of the Irish Theatre industry. It is like whipping a dead horse. A horse that has been decaying for years, but the same jockey and stables owner keeps trying to muster something from it.

 

I know there is the age old adage “theatre has been dead for years”, or “western theatre died with the Greeks”, but, given the current state that the Irish Theatre Industry is in, it simply cannot go on for much longer. COVID-19 aside, it has been an industry marred with artistic decline for years; I am sick to death of seeing the same ideas, people, companies, aesthetics, egos, themes, actors, adaptations and interpretations of plays, directors ―you name it. I remember fondly saying to a close friend “if I see another [redacted] country kitchen setting again, I will just leave the theatre.” She wholeheartedly agreed.

 

I once stumbled upon this industry with eyes like saucers, and possessed a bright hope that someday I could be successful like the Theatre Greats. I built up an understanding and a repertoire of people, plays, styles, techniques, even enjoying the sight of the “country kitchen setting”. But years of putting blood, sweat and tears into trying to make a reputable name for myself, has exhausted me.

 

The realization came to me upon reflection, when journaling about my career in this supposedly “dead” industry. I surmised that the reason why I am so exhausted is simply due to trying to fit in with “The Established” and their structures of existing and operating (would Modus Operandi be a better phrase?). The Established is a term I am using to convey those in this industry who decide on the ‘artistic vision’ or how theatre should be, or how an artist should convey themselves. I don’t know who came up with this, or if there is some ‘1984 Big Brother type of control going on’, but, whatever form it takes, it is most definitely there. I have succumbed to this masking, this trying to fit in with The Established.

 

From the age of 19, I was deviating from my authentic self by trying to fit in with the popular “Established” in my course. Moulding into an image that is accepted is something that I have battled with, and subsequently lost. My time in college was marred by feelings of inadequacy based on my socio-economic background. I was in class with people from all walks of life, international students, students from outside of The Pale, middle/upper class students, but, here I was, in a place of privilege that I fought tooth and nail to be in, and I was terrified. I needed a structure to hold on to, and it was badly built.

 

Fast forward to me trying to navigate my way through early adulthood and college, and I really hated it, but could never admit it. I despised how my clothing style was warping into what The Popular in my course were doing (I look terrible in culottes and Doc Martens). I hated that I was becoming more self-conscious of my thick Dublin accent. I began trying to fit into a size that, quite frankly, I would never fit into. Theatre is a safe space where those who didn’t fit into social norms could have a place of feeling acceptance from peers. But, within that microcosm, popular, or Established, power structures emerged yet again. 

 

Now that I have some more theatre and career experience under my belt, here is some guidance of staying true to yourself and not trying to play in with the crowd. 

 

 

• Accepting the fact that you will never be “Them”.

 

 

Why would you want to be a part of the Crowd who does everything the same? To feel socially accepted? All that matters is your character, how you treat people, your work ethic, and passions. Show kindness and interest in others. The right people will gravitate your way. It’s ok to be an outsider. 

 

 

• Realizing that you’re only in competition with yourself.

 

 

This is something that you need to remember. Other people can be working on a lot of productions or are creating new works constantly, and you have yet to pick up a pen or open the laptop. That is ok. Do what you’re interested in and when you have the time. They have their work, and you have yours. Once you stop rushing and throwing yourself into a cesspit of anxiety, your creativity will flow and you will feel at peace. Once you narrow the race down to one, then you’re obviously going to win the race (you see, it’s smart thinking.)

 

• To celebrate other artists’ works.

 

Look at the work going on around you. Let that inspire you to keep trucking along and keeping your passions in place. Don’t despair that you don’t have work that is being produced. You will get there. I promise you. In the mean-time, congratulate your peers for getting their work out there. This industry can be vicious, and it just takes one sincere comment to make someone feel like it’s all worth it.

 

 

• Carrying yourself with confidence.

 

 

This is hard to do in an age where we all project faux images of who we are in order to feel accepted. Look at yourself in the mirror, think about where you have come from, what you’ve been through, and where you are now. Know that you will soldier on through any shortcomings because you have the strength and assurance in yourself to keep going. Even on days where you feel so low, remember that you can only go up from there. You will always have a good head on your shoulders, trust it.

 

 

• Going off on instinct and passion, rather than what is mandated.

 

 

How many times do we hear of actors, or artists, deviating from what is expected? This is the essence of creativity. Yes, you can learn how others create, but you need to bring your own instinct and passion. If everyone learned how to act or create the same, it wouldn’t be creativity, just a mass manufactured idea of how someone should be creative.

 

 

• Living your own truth and story.

 

 

Nothing is more inspiring and interesting than being and celebrating who you are. Your culture is important. Your story is important. Your religion is important. Your passions are important. Take the stage and tell us. 

 

 

 

Just keeping trucking along. You’ll get there!