Ohhhh “the ick.” We’ve all been there. You meet someone, you’re pretty sure you like them, and things seem to be going great. That is, until out of nowhere, you’ve decided that there’s just something about them, seemingly inconsequential, that turns you off completely. “The ick” can be a difficult concept to adequately explain, given that it can take any form. Realistically, it is common for explanations to fall short, simply because it is an extremely personal concept, that differs on a case-by-case basis. But whatever it may be, it’s something about someone that basically makes you cringe. 

 

The important thing to note is that “the ick” isn’t characterised as mere general doubt about a person – although, general doubt certainly helps “the ick” to flourish. “The ick” manifests itself in a trait or behavior that is highly specific. This trait or behaviour is also clearly identifiable. It’s something the person does, that ruins the image you had previously cultivated of them in your head. Sometimes it can even just be the thought of them doing something (that they never actually have), that makes you seriously question your compatibility. “The ick” when introduced in this way, is of course a weird concept to wrap your head around. Why would you let things that haven’t even happened influence your opinion of someone? I don’t really know how to answer this, but I would say that this form of “ick” is a less common occurrence, or is at least not obsessed over as much as behaviours actually exhibited by a person in real life. “The ick” appears randomly, which is why it is so interesting. Nevertheless, I believe that it is something which is much more likely to present itself in the early stages of a relationship – like the initial texting stage or first few dates. It’s in these stages that doubt and uncertainty are most potent, especially if the relationship predominantly develops over text or is rooted in a person’s social media presence, rather than face-to-face contact. When you only have very little information about someone’s character, your mind can’t help but wander… As such, it can end up in some really strange places. It definitely seems to be this sense of the unknown that allows notions of “the ick” to creep into our minds. For everything we do know about a potential love-interest, there are many more things that we don’t. Therefore, during these early relationship stages, the image of our love interest that slowly builds in our minds is relatively fragile, and susceptible to continuous alterations. 

 

The arbitrariness of how and why an “ick” can form is certainly reason enough to overlook such trivialities. If we were perfectly objective beings, we might do just that. But, more often than not, these “icks” are harder to overcome than one might think. The lack of justification for why this quality or action, whatever it is, should be enough to completely turn you off somebody proves how innocuous it probably is. Regardless, we often choose to cease contact, rather than seeing how it plays out. Is it self-sabotage? A projection of our own insecurities? Are we just concerned about what our friends might think? It’s hard to say. It very much could be an amalgamation of each of these. It could just as easily be something entirely different. Maybe “the ick” and our reactions to it don’t demand intense consideration or research, and should be just taken for what they are – a seemingly inevitable, frivolous turn off, which suddenly has us bolting for the hills.

 

When asking people to provide examples of times when they experienced “the ick,” I quickly came to the conclusion that it is far more likely to appear to women than to men. In fact, most males I asked needed further explanation of what “the ick” actually is, before they could even consider whether or not they had ever experienced it before. Women, however, had an impressive list of detailed examples readily available.

 

Research has shown that there are definitely some more general examples that a fair amount of people would describe as “icks” they have previously encountered. Then, there are some extremely specific examples, that are perhaps more obvious in their ability to turn a person off. This article would not be complete if I didn’t include some of them. I hope that they bring you a degree of comfort and assurance, that you’re not alone the next time your mind conjures up bizarre obsessions designed to put you off your potential partner. 

 

Some of the most common were the following:

Men taking mirror selfies

An extremely active social media presence

Overuse of emojis (when not used ironically)

Men acting in an overly-masculine manner

The way a person sits

Imagining them running

Imagining them taking a bath

Overuse of condiments, especially when they end up on face/facial hair

Fingernail length

Seeing their bedsheets in the background of a pic they send

Handwriting

 

Here’s some incredibly specific examples:

“He got on the floor like Spiderman, and started singing the theme song.”

“This guy sent me a video of him topless, trying to flex, while washing his face and singing badly to Spanish music.”

“He got a nosebleed, and there were no tissues. So he started running around trying to find some while his nose was just bleeding everywhere.”

“You know when they start rapping, and it’s obvious they spent ages trying to learn the lyrics, and you can’t help but imagine them doing so in their bedroom.”

“When lads can’t do their own laundry, it makes me hate them.”

 

This second list appears much more self-explanatory as to why a person might get turned off. They are undoubtedly instances that would have a similar effect on the majority of us. Whereas the first list contains turn offs that mostly depend on the person who is experiencing them, as well as who they are experiencing them with. A multitude of people may experience these, but the reasons behind them can vary. It’s these more general examples which confirm that “icks” perhaps don’t make a lot of sense. But experience demonstrates that they are a very real thing that we don’t have much control over. A lot of the time this proves unfortunate, because they can be hard to overlook and cause us to dismiss others prematurely. Letting miniscule details like these get in the way of what has the potential to be an exciting and long-standing relationship is obviously stupid. It is extremely likely that “the ick” you allow to determine whether or not you continue seeing someone is a very minor aspect of their character, which, given time, will be completely overshadowed by the many other potentially amazing qualities that truly make them who they are. Of course, time may prove you correct in your initial impressions, but it’s important that you give time a chance, in order to make a proper judgement. Regardless of how logical this may be, casting premature judgment still happens all the time, and will continue to be a choice we all make. But it is important to note that acknowledging the existence of “the ick” should not make anybody paranoid or self-conscious. It’s often entirely too random to make anybody second-guess their every action, so please don’t distress! It really comes down to how much meaning and authority you’re willing to place in it. Without a doubt, you do have the ability to dismiss “the ick”, even though you may be inclined to obsess over it.