Originally published in print November 2020.

CONTENT WARNING: This article touches upon topics of gaslighting, abuse, sex, sexuality, gender and assault. 

We sat down with Natalya Price, a Dublin-based sex and relationships therapist, to ask her every romance-related question you ever wished you knew the answer to…

 

Could you briefly introduce yourself?

My name is Natalya Price. I’m a psychotherapist and I practice relationship and sex therapy.

 

What exactly is it that you do as a sex and relationship therapist?

I work with individuals and couples on a variety of sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction and desire incompatibility. I also work with people on their relationship issues – I find that the two go hand-in-hand.

 

Do you often speak to young people about their sexual/relationship concerns?

About 70% of my clients are younger than 32. My younger clientele particularly come to me to discuss sexual issues.

 

How do you think that dating/relationship practices have changed over the past decade?

We have seen the rise of dating apps and hook-up culture. Sexual imagery is now available to us 24/7, even from a young age. We are surrounded by social media.

These changes affect our mental health and sense of self. I often find that problems faced by couples are rooted in either or both individual’s difficulties. Problems can also stem from differences between couples, and an inability to negotiate differences. I think that this is a result of changing dating practices coupled with an absolute lack of sex education.

 

What impact do you think that these changes are currently having on young people?

These changes affect our mental health and sense of self. I often find that problems faced by couples are rooted in either or both individual’s difficulties. Problems can also stem from differences between couples, and an inability to negotiate differences. I think that this is a result of changing dating practices coupled with an absolute lack of sex education.

 

What advice would you give to a young person who is looking to start dating for the first time?

I would tell that person to really get to know themselves better. You need to get to know your body, your mind, and your relational self. Your relational self concerns how you are with other people around you. You might think about who knows you well, who you know well, how you open up. You should also clarify to yourself what your vulnerabilities are, what your strengths are, as well as your boundaries. 

 

What advice would you give to a student who has been looking to date for a long time, but has been struggling to find someone special?

You should think about what is special to you; question what you are really looking for – be that furthering your sexual experiences, deep connection – anything you can think of. You really need to make yourself aware of what is special to you right now. If you meet someone you like, you should consider how this person matches up against what is special to you.

 

You should also consider whether you would date you. Question whether you are special, if you invest enough in yourself. You should try to clearly determine what your hobbies and passions are.

 

If you decide to step away from online dating you could try to meet someone whilst doing an activity that you enjoy. If you prefer to use the online dating format, you should remember that where people get stuck the most is in the chatting phase – they forget to connect, either in person or over video call. You need to remember that, even online, there are ways you can do things with another person, so that you can create shared experiences.

 

What advice might you give to students who are just starting to date someone new?

 

You should pay attention to, and reflect often upon, how you feel. When you make judgements about this new person, you should question why you are making these judgements – are these judgements coming solely from yourself and your own mind, or do you feel that they have been formed by culture and its expectations?

 

You need to talk a lot. You must communicate if someone crosses your boundaries, or makes you feel uncomfortable.

 

Do you have any tips about how to make your date feel special?

I would encourage you to notice or remember something specific to them – maybe something they have said that they enjoy, or something that is currently important to them. You might let what you have remembered influence your conversation or activity on your date. For instance, if someone you are interested in says that they enjoy yoga, you might try going to a class with them.

 

How do you broach more serious topics with someone you have started to date?

By talking and being very honest. You should think about why it is important for you to discuss this topic. Ask yourself: ‘What is this about?’ You need to learn to analyse and express your own values or opinions.

 

What advice would you give to someone who is considering making their sexual début?

You should ask yourself, ‘Why now?’ You should question what taking this step means to you. 

Remember that you have the ability to choose how you want to approach sex. You should prepare yourself ahead of your sexual début; allow yourself to read as much as you can, take your questions to good, reputable sources, and find the answers you need. Take the time to explore your own body – you need to know your own body before you decide to share it with someone else.

As a good rule of thumb, I would recommend not having sex until you feel comfortable talking about sex with your partner, as you need to be able to comfortably talk about contraception and consent. You should make sure that you and your partner are on the same page in terms of why you’re initiating sexual contact. You definitely don’t want to have different agendas.

One other top tip is to try and ensure that neither you or your partner are drunk when you first engage in sexual activity. You both need to be fully in your right mind.

 

How do you bring up the topic of safe sex?

You just need to make sure you talk about it. When you bring up the topic of safe sex with your partner, you are contributing to setting different standards of sexual discourse; you are encouraging others to realise that it is not embarrassing to talk about safe sex, it is embarrassing not to talk about it.

 

How soon is too soon to make things official?

Everyone has their own definition of official. You should ask to make things your own form of ‘official’ whenever you feel comfortable doing so.

 

Any tips on how to introduce your S/O to your friends/family?

There is a little test involved in the act of introducing your S/O to those who are important to you. It forces you to ask yourself whether you feel comfortable enough to make these introductions. If you don’t feel comfortable enough, ask yourself why this might be.

 

What advice would you give to students who are struggling to find balance between spending time with their S/O, their friends, their studies, work, etc.?

Balancing your time and energy is something that you have to sit down and really look at. Different aspects of your life might have particular importance at different times. It might even help you to draw a pie chart, so that you can visually acknowledge what you want to prioritise/deprioritise.

You might stumble in matching your own ideal balance with your partner’s, because people have different ideas about what is too much or too little time to invest in someone. This is okay, you just need to make sure that you are always being honest about how you feel.