I packed my bags and flew thousands of miles from my tucked-away town in Tennessee to Ireland’s capital, preparing for a new adventure. I was ready to experience a new city, a new country, and as much of the culture as I could during the four years I had in Dublin. Of course, I had read one too many travel blogs about how I would have to explore Howth and the beauty of the West. I was committed to escaping my American-Southern-bubble and seeing the world, changing my own perceptions and taking on a whole new life.
One of the greatest shocks I found was the difference in the dating scene. Now, I’m very aware that everyone has different experiences when it comes to relationships, and I would hate to over-generalize. However, coming from a very traditional state where a guy brings a girl’s mom flowers when he picks her up for a date, to a new, bustling European city where a guy would meet you for a drink. It’s absolutely hilarious to me now that I thought that was “just what guys do.” But I genuinely did!
After sharing this niche culture shock with my Irish friends, they were dying to know what it was like to go out with someone from Tennessee. I suppose being away from the scene for a while gives you a nuanced perspective, one that I gladly shared with them. As I then described, Tennessee dating can be quite old-fashioned. Let me paint the picture–
Stereotypically speaking, a guy calls you (what!) and asks if you are interested in going out to dinner. You giddily say yes and skip up the stairs to start getting ready. Time passes, and you hear a knock on the front door. Your dad answers. The guy shakes his hand and walks in the door, feeling a bit nervous himself. He might bring flowers for your mom, and he definitely hugs her upon meeting her. Then, he sees you, and you awkwardly greet one another while your parents stare in admiration . You walk out the door both looking like 13-year-olds stuck in a Taylor Swift song. He opens the car door for you, carefully closes it, and jogs around to his side and hops in. You head to dinner where, assuming things go well, you leave hand-in-hand. He drops you off at home, and fearing that your dad is watching through the window, kisses your cheek and says goodnight.
A date might not go exactly like that, but a typical one would actually be pretty close to what I’ve described. It’s a different place, and it feels like you’re trapped in a different era. There’s an inherently slower pace to life in the South, and you see that translated into relationships. I personally find it endearing.
Some Irish friends of mine now have the dream to go out and find a Southern cowboy to ride into the sunset with (ah, the swooning!). They see the rom-coms that consume our Netflix recommended section and dread the same exact plot line as always, but we watch it anyway. I’ve successfully convinced one or two of them to come down to Tennessee sometime and just witness the hilarious change from what they know. It’s not the movie, but it’s a distant cousin of what you see.
But be warned–the fairy tale that showcases on movies doesn’t always highlight the drawbacks or factors that comprise Southern relationships:
If his mom doesn’t like you…you really don’t have a chance. If a girl’s house has a front porch, there’s a strong possibility that her dad will have a shotgun and will sit there cleaning it when you arrive. (A note here — he’ll never hurt you, but it will invariably scare you to death). In a weird way, I always wanted my dad to do that, but he stuck to a handshake and normalcy (how boring). You’ll probably find yourself spending a lot of time outside, which I personally love, but it comes hand-in-hand with god-awful mosquitoes that will eat you alive. When you date someone from the South, you really end up dating his/her family, friends, and all who know and love him/her. A bit melodramatic, but apropos nonetheless.
Dating in the South is rooted in exceptional respect. It truly is that chivalry that is mocked by so many who both live there and outsiders who don’t. Why is it important to know how to waltz in Middle School? One of those same boys just got married this summer, and he waltzed with his wife on their wedding day. Traditions may feel like boulders weighing you down or locks keeping you in place, but sometimes, they redeem you. I find that the more I escape the confines of Tennessee, the more fond I grow of sitting under a tree by the lake casting a rod and talking about nothing. I miss the slow-paced way of life more than I thought I ever would.
To me, there is such beauty in the old traditions and customs that make up my little Tennessee world. Of course, I only enjoy this in small quantities when I come home from being abroad, yet the familiarity of it all just feels like a hug. It’s a bit weird to feel like you belong in two different worlds, one where you go out to a pub with friends and walk along Joyce’s streets, and another where you have muddy knees and sit by a pond for hours waiting for a fish to be foolish enough to bite your 99 cent bait. I feel like a bit of a small-town hypocrite as what drove me out is now what draws me in. However, I find we all feel this way in some aspect of life, where the 20-20 vision comes to us with time, space, and clarity.
Given recent times, I think it is fair to assume that most of us have realized how much we took time with those around us for granted. Whether your relationship with those people is romantic or not is arbitrary; it is in our nature to want to be with other people. I hope that among the lessons we learn during this time is how to put in effort to all of our relationships and to remember the beauty in the slow-pace of life, kind of like that of a Tennessee date.
