Originally published in print, September 2021.
It’s that magical time of year again, where flocks of doe-eyed freshers descend upon Dublin in search of accommodation. Armed with reusable tote bags and a rolled up poster of Gustav Klimt, they emerge from Heuston station with dreams of misquoting the works of Orwell and Marx in a Georgian house in the city centre. Unbeknownst to these innocent youths, the vulture landlords have sensed the seasons shift and are now circling. Our vultures have learned to use their environments: minimum wage being below a living wage, no government capping on rent prices, and an overstressed market that cannot accommodate the number of people who need a bed and possibly running water. Luckily for our does, I’ve compiled a list of ways that you can survive the Dublin housing market.
- Working four jobs
Although studies show that college students tend to score better when they don’t have the stress of working, these physiologists have never encountered the current Dublin housing market. Simply having one job may help pay rent, but there is no need to pay rent when one takes on four jobs. If each shift lasts eight hours, you can simply work continuously from job to job. This would only need three jobs; however, you would need one to cover your days off from your other three. If you continuously work, there would be no need to rent a place, as you would never spend time in it. You can use your mandatory breaks for college work, and if one of your jobs is in the waiting industry that covers food. Plus, with all that minimum wage money you would be earning, you can buy as many energy drinks and coffees to prop you up until you return home during holiday periods (granted that your jobs allow you to take time off). - Finding a compatible roommate
Our does are full of hope for finding a friend for life in their roommate: late-night chats, dinner parties, and edgy wall decor. However, it is much more important to get a roommate with a compatible schedule. There are often extra costs for unnecessary luxuries like having your own bed. To bypass this, it’s best to find a mattress that can be shared with a compatible stranger. If you like being diurnal, I suggest searching for a roommate who works nights so you can use the bed then. When they arrive home, you will be waking up, so they can roll into bed while you roll out the other side. Since you will be working at alternative ends of the day, it might be hard to find time to bond, but you could leave each other cute little notes under your shared pillow. - Getting creative
The current fashion industry is about upcycling and finding new purposes for out of fashion items. 5-Minute-Crafts are always turning clothing articles into things that they should never be used for. Why not do the same thing with accommodation? That wardrobe in your shared bedroom being wasted just storing clothes? Put in a sleeping bag and two pillows, and you have low-cost housing. That dingy bath in your apartment only being used three times a day in the singular bathroom shared by seven roommates is the prime opportunity for a cot-like bed. Run a hose from the bath out the window, and they can shower outside while you sleep soundly in your damp pyjamas. Wall cavities are just wasted potential. Get a sledgehammer, and you can have multiple standing beds. It may feel coffin-like but think of the privacy benefits.
With house hunting seasons about to commence, I hope this list will teach some how to survive in the big smoke. Remember to lower your standards even more if they mention a Luas stop within a 25 km radius. It is also essential to remember firstborn children, dignity, and having all your organs are overrated. Happy hunting, and may the odds be ever in your favour.
