“One whole week a month where we can’t have sex?” he’d asked me, with a frown on his face.

It was the first month of my new long-term relationship, and I had emerged sheepishly from the bathroom, announcing to my then-boyfriend that I had just got my period. As far as I was aware from past experience, straight guys seemed to find the idea of menstruation hugely disgusting — and, in fairness, I too had been conditioned to feel that way about this particular bodily function. Periods were gross and they made me feel like I was gross and you obviously didn’t talk about any of this stuff in front of boys (the shame of a guy catching sight of a tampon!) and the idea of having sex when uterine lining was seeping out of my womb seemed pretty sickening. Of course, with the raging hormones and all, I’m actually pretty turned on around that time of the month, but this seemed irrelevant to me then.

“I mean, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun,” I’d offered, having recently heard a male friend drunkenly refer to his girlfriend being “on the blob” and thus being rewarded with a week of blowjobs (I’m not sure when the week of this being reciprocated happens, but I digress). Another male friend of mine was offered anal sex the first time he slept with his girlfriend because she was on her period. I had accordingly always treated it as the norm for women to forget their own bedroom needs during period week, and tend to their partner instead. Which is why I was surprised by his response:

“I don’t mind, you know. We could just do it anyway. I’d like to.”

What followed was initially very tentative, hesitant sex (“Shit are you sure you want to do this? Don’t look down there! Really, I can just give you head.”) but as things got going, I forgot my reservations and got really into it, because during menstruation the female body is much more sensitive than normal and it all felt amazing. It ended up being the first time that boyfriend made me come during sex. And to my surprise, he was actually really into it too — I think in retrospect he found it sexy in a kind of macho way that, unlike a lot of men, he was confident enough to want to please his woman no matter what.

It made me feel sexy too; during a time of the month where I would normally feel bloated, disgusting and generally repulsive to a prospective partner, with my increased libido I was suddenly getting orgasms on the reg (something which, incidentally, can really help with cramps) from this guy who accepted all parts of me and found me attractive in spite of ending up with a condom covered in blood.

For all I want to be a feminist and embrace my body with all its natural functions, I’ll admit there was often something a bit squeamish about seeing the blood afterwards and I would rather not talk about the smell — not that it ever seemed to bother that particular ex, who almost seemed to find it a turn-on. We both drew a line at oral sex, because no matter how good it might have felt, for me the image of him emerging from between my legs looking like Carrie was all kinds of horrific, and in general I think being that kind of enthused bloodhound is unusual to find amongst people our age. And I think a lot of women in their early twenties aren’t ready for that kind of thing yet either — myself included — with a lot of the heterosexual girls I know not hugely keen on receiving oral sex even during the rest of the month. In fact, period sex seems a taboo thing for most females to discuss even amongst themselves.

Soon after breaking-up with that ex, I broached the topic with some of my female friends: “So, is it unlikely another guy is gonna be into doing it with me when I’m on my period?” The subject seemed to repulse most of them a little bit (“Jesus, who does that?! Why would you tell me that? Please stop talking. Sure, do that if you’re into it, but don’t tell people about it”) though one friend admitted she would love to try it: “I do get really horny when I’m on my period, but I would hate for a guy to see the mess. Maybe when I’m married?” I took this all to mean enthusiastic period sex would be unlikely for the foreseeable future, and the people I’ve been with since have definitely made it seem like that’s the case.

For a lot of ladies, period sex means you’re working with an increased libido, incredible sensitivity, a handy natural lubricant; plus you get to avoid a week of inevitable jaw-ache. And there seems to be a macho sense of satisfaction in it for men. Yes it can be a bit messy and, at first, maybe kind of embarrassing, but hey — you’re having sex with this person anyway: what’s a little blood between friends?

Illustrations by Graham Haught.